


Nightmares and Dysphoria

by Nylazor



Series: The Adventures of Cal Amell [20]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 10:29:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16700779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nylazor/pseuds/Nylazor
Summary: Cal has a nightmare and gender dysphoria





	Nightmares and Dysphoria

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Akumaloligirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akumaloligirl/gifts).



> Writing this gave me dysphoria x(
> 
> This is kinda confusing, but Coleen is Cal's birth name and the one he went by for most of his life.

Cal looked into the mirror and frowned. He tilted his head and turned a bit. His beard, a chestnut brown, barely covered his cheeks, his hair, down to his shoulders the same. He was 6 feet tall and skinny, his life focusing around magic then hard labor. He glanced closer at his face, greeny-blue eyes and a button nose. His jawline was soft, one of the reasons he grew a beard. He smiled as he leaned back. He looked ok. 

 

Wait.

 

His beard was getting shorter! It was sinking into his jaw! He edged closer, the hard lines he'd earned in the blight were softening, his hair was growing longer. He pulled back. No, no, no! Sacks of fat sat upon his chest, unbound and free to the air. He flinched and tugged at them, trying desperately to get rid of them. He started scratching at the base of his breasts. Thai couldn't be happening, they said it would be permanent, but he was back to being in a girl's body! What was happening? The scratches had begun to bleed, Coleen gritted her teeth at the pain, she reached between her legs and felt rough hair, but beneath that was a moist slit. No. No, no, no! What had happened? How had this happens!? She curled into a ball. This is wrong, she thought. I'm Cal! This has to be a dream. 

 

Wake up.

 

Wake up!

 

“Cal! Wake up!”

 

Coleen gasped and shot upright and immediately began to shiver, it was freezing. Her magelight was glowing, but around the room the walls were encrusted with ice. 

 

“What?” Coleen looked around and cast fire to hold in his hand.

 

He focused on Zevran who was shivering on the bed beside him. He could see Zevran's breath fog out of his mouth.

 

“I don't know I woke up to you freezing the room. What were you dreaming about?”

 

Coleen gasped and pressed her hands to her chest. It was flat and hairy, like it should be. She reached down under Zevran's pillow and grabbed the knife he kept there.

 

“Hey what are you doing?” Zevran reached for the knife.

 

But Coleen was determined, she pulled the braid in her hair tight against her head and sawed through it. Pulling out some hair with a final tug. She looked at the fire that was hovering in front of her, and pressed the plait into until it caught fire before throwing it on the floor.

 

Zevran gaped at her before he said. “That's one way to get a haircut.”

 

Coleen shook harder and pushed the fire bigger to warm the room. “What's my name, Zevran?”

 

“Uh, Cal Amell.” He said.

 

“What am I?” Cal said, though she was still feeling her chest uncertainly.

 

“That's quite a list. A human, a mage, the warden commander, my partner…”

 

“No!” Cal reached forward and pressed Zevran's hand to her chest. “What am I?”

 

“A man, no?” Zevran was clearly confused.

 

Cal took a deep breath he looked around, most of the ice had melted. “I dreamt I returned to my old body, that I was weak and womanly, that I had a slit between my legs. My hair was long and my beard was gone.”

 

“Ah.” Zevran embraced him from the side pulling him down onto the bed. “You are my boyfriend, manly, strong, a leader and loyal. Your brain was just being cruel to you, no?”

 

Cal bit his lip. “My mother… she would be so mad…” he whispered

 

“Your mother? I thought she was in Kirkwall, and you haven't seen her in over twenty years, to put it bluntly, who cares?”

 

Cal shrunk in on himself, “she wanted me to have long hair no matter what, I can only imagine what she would think of me now. After my transition, I cut my hair, but only to my shoulders, as if to appease her.” Cal wrapped his arms around himself.

 

“Well, I think you are amazing no matter your hair.” Zevran kissed his forehead.

 

Cal rubbed his beard. “Yeah, hopefully I'll never see her again.”

 

Zevran nuzzled him. “My strong man, if she comes near you I would slit her throat.”

 

Cal rubbed his flat chest. “Thanks, Zev.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Talk to me at tumblr  
> @nye-writes  
> Twitter  
> @nylazorslew  
> Email me prompts  
> nylazorslew@gmail.com


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